Culturosity

Check out the latest razzle dazzle from the boys over at TriniJungleJuice TV. New(ish) episodes every Tuesday.

The Guardian reports:

A senior policeman allegedly went skinny-dipping with four illegal Colombian detainees, fed them KFC and then had sex with them in the Point Fortin Police Station.

Amazing.

hope to see you aboard the sea prowler (pier 1) on friday 4th april for nothin' new. yeah.

there will be (free) cocktails, the serious business crew will be killing it on the lower deck, and we'll have a special guest dj upstairs, bringing you the biggest hip hop and r&b club bangers.

the boat only holds a hunnerd fitty people, so rsvp is uber necessary! and we push off at ten, so show up early.

Tuna Puna
Trinidad

December 26, 2006


Dear Santa, Ah know yah probly wonderin why I writin yuh on Boxsing Day, but after opening meh presents and dem yesterday, I just had to write yuh. Santa ah was a real good gyul all year round, ah lissen to meh muddah when she talk to meh, ah help out with house wuk, ah even help de neighbour chilrren and them do dey chaws too. Ah helped dat old Mr.George across d road when d oddah chilrren just watch him and leave him dey. And lissen to meh muddah when she talk to meh, ah help out with house wuk, ah even help de neighbour chilrren and them do dey chaws too. Santa ah study hard in school dis year, so hard that ah come fuss in meh class.

Santa when ah write meh Christmas List to yuh, ah axk yuh for a Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game and a monopoly. So Santa . . . how the fock after reading meh list you would leave under d blasted Christmas tree ah shitty focking light up yo-yo, ah mudderfocking plastic tea-set and ah focking no name dolly lookin like she have polio. Santa is like yuh focking blind or yuh cyah read!

Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh focking ass and like ah fool ah does always give yuh ah nex chance but yuh fock again. Yuh focking fat ass dead with me, yuh hear what ah say, yuh dead. Ah go wait for yuh muddahass next year, yuh better don't try to squeeze yuh fat bolockscious ass thru meh louvers, because Santa ah swear ah go fock yuh up, it go be me , you and a guava wood. Just imagine you give that little cokey eye, knock knee, moddaacunt Laurel from across de road, she get everything that she axk for, till she doh even have room to walk around she house.

And Santa, yuh see you and dem focking reindeer and dem, all yah better tink twice bout landing on my house next year, especially dat focking Red noseprick Rudolph, ah go stone he muddacunt, yuh go have to walk back to d focking north pole when ah done with dem. I swear nex year, ah waiting patiently for yuh fat focking ass to come Ho-Hoin' on meh galvanise roof. Ah go do fuh yuh, ah promise, watch and see...

Love,
Kerri Ann.

Test your knowledge of useless Trinidad trivia in this Island Style version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

Link

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Trini driver never uses them, besides if you do the driver on the lane on which you are trying to get in front of will just accelerate to not let you get in.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation and also delaying you to your destination.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the lesser the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially someone with no insurance ...the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left . It's a good way to prepare for people entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary numbers, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in T&T.

9. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Trini driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Trinidad is the home of high-speed slalom driving.

12. It is traditional in Trini to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. Even though you are at risk of getting shot by the driver in front of you if you do this. Psst....you may be at similar risk from the driver behind if you don't.

13. Remember that the goal of every Trini driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

14. 'Flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.

I knew a girl back in the day that wouldn't 'eat by the road'. She endured a relatively sheltered childhood, and rebelled against her parents by dating on of my boys - a serious KFC/ Mackie D/ BK's kinda guy.

Anyway i have found that in Trinidad the most consistent eating experience is Roadside Cuisine. Whether it is a Kanhai roti, George X doubles, Yellow Cart burger or a Brown punch, you know that both the service and the quality of the food will remain consistent. Every now and then somebody on the team might get the shits (not me), but i've seen more roaches coming out of the kitchen at Tiki Village than on the sidewalk outside Kanhai.

This dude called Dr. Agozino, who's head of the UWI Department of Behavioural Sciences and coordinator of their Criminology Programme, writes the most amazing garbage for Vanguard, a Nigerian newspaper. You've GOT to check out his work!

I didn't even know Nigeria had the internets.

My boy Colin did this shoot in Tobago on the weekend. Pretty straightforward stuff, 'cept the picture doesn't show the chickens hanging out in the drain, or the fat man/crazy man directing traffic, or the amazing heritage buildings that will soon be torn down and replaced by gaudy celebrations of 21st century island architecture.

Long sigh.

Bored with MySpace, Hi5, Facebook, Youtube, et cetera ad infinitum? Check out WestIndianTube.com - it needs no explanation. Guaranteed to waste countless precious hours of your life, that you will never ever be able to recover. Enjoy.

The Centre for Arts & Technology (the same cats that brought you Jazzy Wednesdays), present their latest project: The Artists' Lime. Billed as "a unique opportunity for artists to meet, interact and develop relationships" it takes place on April 25th, from 6PM.

If you're an artist, please check it out and let me know what REALLY happens When Artists Lime. I feel SO left out.

Some frenchies spent a bunch of cash to do a report on "Bacteriological quality of doubles sold by street vendors in Trinidad and the attitudes, knowledge and perceptions of the public about its consumption and health risk."

It's a must read! Print it out and wrap your doubles in it. In related news, a partner of mine sent in this report on a recent tragedy in south Trinidad:

Sunday: Karamath roti shop on the coffee in sando upstairs burning dong - talking real smoke and ting - Trinis line up downstairs buying roti downstairs while upstairs burning…no lie!

Only on the Island.

I know y'all seen the clip, so I aint even gonna link it on the front page. But word on the websternets is that the pastor's daughter aint nothin but fo'teen! I can't front though, her boobs looked grown. Thing is, it seems that dude just travels the world, dry humping all the chicks in his path - check this video of Arr Konny jamming Tara Reid.

Shit aint that serious to me though, I've seen worse at carnival. Besides, I think Elton John sent him down here to wreak havoc on church leaders. Could Trickydad be have the Best Year Evar?